I used to run track back in the day

The 100, 200, the 400m

My older sister Ryann ran

Which is probably the only reason I tried

Ryann was a distance running

Cross country

Indoor, Outdoor

All that crazy shit

 

So following in her footsteps naturally

I tried my hand

Or my foot

You get it

 

So Ryann was actually a monster

Winning county races

Getting medals

Awards

The love of my parents

A full ride to college

Leaving me feeling a little left in the dust

But thats a story for another day

 

What’s funny is though

I always just thought I was slow

I started late relatively speaking

And we didn’t have the super sibling thing going

Like Venus and Serena

So I was out there getting smoked

 

But turns out

I actually wasn’t even that slow

Because when you compared my times to other county’s

I was competitive

But they say God likes a joke

And for whatever reason

The kids on my team

Were just really fucking fast

 

I mean like 8th grade breaking under a minute in the 400 fast

I mean like are you related to Bolt fast

I mean like running from the boys after a robbery fast

I mean like running from that neighborhood dog fast

I mean like running from the collector of them bills fast

I mean like running from them feelings you don’t want to feel fast

Oops that one slipped out

 

So they used to do this thing 

On the final lap in track meets or practice

Where if you were about to get passed by a runner

The crowd would start to yell out from the stands

Ooooopppp Ooooopppp

And you knew, you knew

They were ON YOUR HEELS

 

I’ve had the pleasure of being out in front

Thinking I was doing something

Look at the finish line

Like this is it

This is it Jay

This is your moment

They gone love you for this one boooyyyy

And sure enough before even hearing the footsteps

The crowd started to electrify and you hear that rumble

Ooooopppp Ooooopppp

 

And just like that

By my own teammate
I caught a glimpse passing by

In slow motion

We looked eyed

And you could basically see him saying

Sorry my guy

As he proceeded to catch up

And pass me

Fast

 

I mean like 8th grade breaking under a minute in the 400 fast

I mean like are you related to Bolt fast

I mean like running from the boys after a robbery fast

I mean like running from that neighborhood dog fast

I mean like running from the collector of them bills fast

I mean like running from them feelings you don’t want to feel fast

Oops that one slipped out

 

The interesting thing about life is

It truly is a marathon

Even if the race is shorter for some than others

And after a while 

It starts to not even be about how fast you are

Because whatever your running from 

Will always catch you

Ooooopppp

 

I walked off the track  back in the day 

Feeling defeated and unworthy

Because someone was better

Because I was already internalizing everything negative about myself

Because I was hurt and embarrassed

I actually stopped running all together 

Physically at least

But mentally I was sonic the hedgehog

When it came to what hurt me

 

Life hit me with heartbreak from the girl I thought I was going to marry

I hit back with the state farm

Oh gotta be quicker than that

 

Life hit me with rejection and failures 

I pulled of like Jeff Gordon

 

Life hit me with trauma as a child

I took the hyperdrive out of the 

Millenium falcon

Bitch we are out

 

In my defense It was for self protection

But that protection is only temporary

Because until I started to heal

And really acknowledge what was hurting me

Everytime I would see that finish line

Thinking I was doing something

Like this is it

This is it Jay

This is your moment

They gone love you for this one boooyyyy

And sure enough before even hearing the footsteps behind me

 

My mind and body would start  to electrify 

I would start to burn out

Why are my feet so heavy to lift

Muscles crumbling from the inside out

Every step starting to feel like I’m wearing concrete shoes

 

And it’s not just one runner behind me

There’s the runner that looks like my broken heart

The runner that looks like my fear to love again

That runner that looks like the warrior armor I wear

That runner that looks like the words that broke me down

The runner that looks like the hurt of my business failing

The runner that looks like my strained family relationship

The runner that looks like myself in the mirror

 

And they are FAST

I mean like 8th grade breaking under a minute in the 400 fast

I mean like are you related to Bolt fast

I mean like running from the boys after a robbery fast

I mean like running from that neighborhood dog fast

I mean like running from the collector of them bills fast

I mean like running from them feelings you don’t want to feel fast

Oops that one slipped out

 

The interesting thing about life is

It truly is a marathon

Even if the race is shorter for some than others

And after a while 

It starts to not even be about how fast you are

Because whatever your running from 

Will always catch you

Ooooopppp