I really really really 

Love cheeseburgers

The greasier the better

Hold the tomatoes

But throw on some lettuce with as few nutrients as possible

Grilled onions

Ketchup, mustard

Lather it in BBQ sauce

And don’t you dare add bacon to it

 

Of course a high-class burger is preferred

But on a late night I can settle for

A fast food place whose arches shall not be named

And I know, I know, I know 

It’s never good for me

But it’s tasty and fast

In other words

Convenient

 

Now in general, I eat relatively vegan

Work out most days of the week

Run miles with my dog

Take vitamins

Eat a rainbow of fruits and veggies every week

I quit consuming alcohol and smoking

Yet I sat in a doctor’s office while writing this

 

Because my doctor is concerned

Because I have high blood pressure

Me? High blood pressure? Why?

I promise you my diet is not based on burgers

My bloodwork looks good

So we discuss it more

And my doctor says

“At your age, there may be a genetic component

The scientific jury is still out on this subject”

 

See if you go back in my family history

High blood pressure is all over

Along with obesity

and substance dependency

But what I find now more importantly

It’s also coupled with

Trauma, abuse, and hardship

It’s in my blood

I have sworn to break the cycle

 

So here I am

At the crossroads between

Convenience and Sustainable

Trying hard to unlearn the unhealthy pathways of my father, my father’s father, and his…

Just to keep living 

 

My father’s father died of a brain aneurysm

He had high blood pressure for years

The silent killer

I have no recollection of him

But I guess I met him as a baby

He was the first one to say

That baby looks like little Mickey

My father’s nickname

And if you see an image of my father and I now

He was spot on

 

Not to be over critical 

But apparently he also consumed nicotine like it was going out of style

Smoking, chewing, cigars, cigarettes

At every waking moment

I don’t know what his eating habits were like 

But I wonder if he liked cheeseburgers, too

Because I was once nicotine-addicted myself

 

Now I’m sure there where deeper influences that contributed to this continuous consumption

As there where with me

He was a Black man in the South in a less than welcoming time period

The pressure, what was required to be a man at that time

No emotion

No acknowledgement of vulnerability

Pressing on

 

But the fact the matter is

I doubt these consumption practices and environments

Lowered his blood pressure

Mine rises just thinking about his hardships

He literally died when the pressure was too much

 

And we know more about health now than back then

But one things is for certain

Endless consumption

Whether in a pursuit of convenience

Quick satiation, numbing the pain

Obtaining the newest and shiniest high

Doesn’t seem to work out too well in the long run

And I lay awake at night contemplating between if it’s something I am doing wrong

Is it too many cheeseburgers? Even if only eaten occasionally 

Or am I handed down genes and affinities for poor behaviors that I didn’t ask for?

 

So here I am

At the crossroads between

Convenience and Sustainable

Trying so hard to unlearn the unhealthy pathways of my father, my father’s father, and his…

Just to keep living 

 

I don’t know if my grandfather ever had the chance to think about his health

Were the immediate issues too pressing?

Was there too much trauma passed down to him

That he didn’t ask for?

It’s hard to think about the future when the present is constantly alarming and dangerous

 

I am conflicted at feeling frustrated that I am doing everything to stay healthy

Wanting to just eat a damn cheeseburger in peace 

But having the guilt that one bite might send my blood pressure higher

And I know it’s the silent killer

So over time the Convenience is nice

But I may very well have to choose differently

Thanks to things I never asked for

 

But how very blessed I am

From standing on the shoulders

Of my father

And his father and his…

To even have the time to choose differently 

 

How very blessed I am

From standing on the shoulders

Of my father

And his father and his…

To have the knowledge and perspective

The technology and insight

The resources and research

The voice

The platform

And the courage

In my blood

To know

And choose differently 

 

So here I am

Left with a decision between 

Convenience and Sustainability

For a better life for me

And future generations

To just keep living