I use to be afraid of blood

The thought of it would make me cringe

and squeeze my muscles as if that would keep my blood contained 

If ever I were hurt or cut

 

I would avoid a cut at all odds 

See my skin is my armor

How dare anything think

It can cut deeply enough to actually open a gash

 

But as I grew older it became apparent that cuts are inevitable

They are a part of life

And if you live long enough 

You can bet there is a cut waiting 

When you least expect it usually

 

And if you’re really unlucky

The cut will be deep 

And cause enough damage that it will leave a scar

A reminder for the rest of your days

That you were hurt

 

And Nobody wants to be hurt

Nobody wants to remember pain

Nobody wants to remember the jagged edges that left a reminder

That you are not invincible

A scar

 

The funny thing about scars is that 

Yes they remind you that you are only human and can be hurt

But they also act as a reminder that you survived

You made it to try another day

You survived a battle that day

You survived that paper cut

You survived that dagger

The universe tried you and you replied, you played yourself I’m still here

You made it to fight another day

 

I remember my first deep cut

It was across my tongue 

As a child I had a crippling stutter

It was so bad I could barely get words out 

Barely anyone would have the patience to listen to me finish a sentence

Or for that matter

Listen to me try to express myself in any way 

It was a lonely life

How could this be fair?

How could this heal?

 

I remember my second deep cut

It was across my chest

At 14 a tumor developed in my chest that pushed me into a deep depression 

I spiraled into feeling as if life was a cruel joke

How could this happen to someone so young?

How could this be fair?

How could this heal?

 

My third deep cut was across my head

Deep in my mind but also my feelings

This cut was more elusive 

More gradual

It was a feeling I had learned from surroundings that did not uplift me

It was a feeling of not being enough to take on my future

I didn’t see anyone who looked like me being scientists, entrepreneurs, or beyond

It was less of a cut and more of a void

How could this be fair?

How could this heal?

 

They all cut deep……

They all left scars

But from all three

……I healed

 

From my first cut on my tongue because of my stutter

I began to heal by writing

Since no one listened, I turned to pages and began to let it all out

From there I gained confidence in what I had to say

And began to say what I had to say anyway

No matter if I got stuck on words

Or nervous before a presentation

I kept writing, kept speaking…..kept trying

And eventually the gash clotted

The seal got stronger

And the scar formed

I still have it to remember but it does not stop me

 

For my second cut to my chest from the tumor

I began to heal by facing my fear of doctors and hospitals

I learned to calm my mind by meditation 

I learned that receiving help was ok

I went through a surgery to have it removed

And they discovered it was benign

And that I was going to be ok

It taught me about my courage in the face of the ultimate fear

And eventually the gash clotted

The seal got stronger

And the scar formed

I still have it to remember but it does not stop me

 

My last cut to my head from not feeling worthy enough was the hardest to overcome

It slowly healed from years of self-talk

Self care especially for my mind

I used my previously found courage to try and build myself up to be who I dreamed of

I sought for people I could look to for positive examples 

They taught me to accept that I would fail along the way

And that all I had to do was try my best

Over and over again

And as long as I gave my best, I could always value my effort 

My journey

And eventually the gash clotted

The seal got stronger

And the scar formed

I still have it to remember but it does not stop me

 

See the funny thing about scars is that 

Yes they remind you that you are only human and can be hurt

But they also act as a reminder that you survived

You made it to try another day

You survived a battle that day

You survived that paper cut

You survived that dagger

The universe tried you and you replied, you played yourself I’m still here

 

I made it to fight another day