BOILED

In my opinion

My mother is the greatest cook in the world

She can craft any dish regardless of the culture or technique

Every once in awhile she would entrust me with the task of helping out in the kitchen

To this day I love to cook

 

“Jordy” she would say, Watch the pot on the stove

It’s just water heating up, but it’s covered

So you need to watch it boil and stop it before it boils over

 

Regardless of the reminder I would somehow lose track of time

Suppress the thought, Get distracted, Or simply stop paying attention

& sure enough, …..The pot would boil over

 

Funny how that works

Something as simple as a few drops of water if agitated properly

Can go from a calm bringer of life

To a scorching disaster

Imagine if the top was sealed closed

It would boil until the pot exploded

 

A few drops of water used to pour down my eyes

Before I learned to hold them back

Suppress the thought, Get distracted, Stop paying attention

I hope you know it won’t make the pain go away

 

When I got into my first fight

I got my ass kicked

I didn’t even throw a punch back

I don’t remember if it was more fear or shock

To add insult to injury

He bunny hopped with his bike and landed on my bike when he rode away

I felt so much anger I could punch threw a wall

I breathed so hard, huffing and puffing

Feeling like the internal steam starting to rise

Until the tears formed at the corner of my eyes

Not because of the fights

But because he used to be my friend

And it hurt….

 

& instead of letting the tears fall I wiped them away

I would much rather hold them back 

Get distracted, Suppress the thought, Or simply stop paying attention

I hope you know it won’t make the pain go away

 

Fast forward to my first kiss

It was at the end of school

Gossip and rumors made it seem

That one of the cutest girls, who was popular too

Actually liked me….

Me?…..And I mean the old me

Me with stutter that I hid

Me with the fearful anxious mind 

We stood in front of the school after classes ended

We kissed and time stood still

We kissed and shortly after a sea of

OOOhhhhhhh erupted

I walked home feeling like I had done the impossible

And when I got to school the next day, feeling like I was “The man”

 

I was soon surprised with the news and rumors

That she seemed to regret the decision

Just that fast, after school like the day before

She dumped me…

Time stood still

 shortly after a sea of OOOhhhhhhh erupted

I walked home feeling like I never wanted to feel that again

I felt so much anger I could punch threw a wall

I breathed so hard, huffing and puffing

Feeling like the internal steam starting to rise

Until the tears formed at the corner of my eyes

Not because of the eyes watching

But because I liked her…

And it hurt….

 

& instead of letting the tears fall I wiped them away

I would much rather hold them back 

Suppress the thought, Get distracted, Or simply stop paying attention

I hope you know it won’t make the pain go away

 

“Jordy” my mother would say

Watch the pot on the stove

You need to watch it boil and stop it before it boils over

Jordan watch it before it boils over

Jordan watch it before it boils over

I hope you know it won’t make the pain go away

 

The pain of trying to feel like you are worth something

Jordan watch it before it boils over

The pain of the reality that the help you need isn’t coming

watch it before it boils over

The pain from mommy and daddy splitting

The pain of moving with dad only to be forgotten about

The pain of still not feeling a part of love

watch it before it boils over

 

The pain of having to put your family dysfunctions to the side to focus on your work

The pain of knowing no one in your family can help you through engineering school thru coursework, funding, or emotional support because you didn’t know how to ask

The pain of being the only black boy in your department

The pain of pretending it didn’t affect you

watch it before it boils over

 

The pain of realizing that you never healed from the first scars before the new ones formed

The pain of realizing you have more suppressed pain than addressed pain

The pain of pretending it doesn’t affect you

The pain that has turned into more pain

watch it before it boils over

The pain that has turned into anger

watch it before it boils over

The pain that has turned into bottled up rage

watch it before it boils over

That makes you want to strangle a person

The pain that pushed me to commit that crime

The pain that made me hit that person and not stop until your knuckles were bloody

The pain that…….

Jordan watch it before it boils over

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